This Won't Hurt A Bit...

Radio
60 seconds

by Leo L. Schwab
9410.11

Notes

The TRAINER and TRAINING SUPERVISOR are envisioned to have Germanic/Russian accents. The INTERVIEWER is your basic Twink Fizzdale-type.

AMBIENT FX: Cooling fans; possibly 60 Hz hum.

Trainer

Are you ready?

Subject

Uh, yeah...

Trainer

Then we'll begin.

FX: Toggle switch, equipment powering up.

Trainer

Which home gaming system has the best sound?

Subject

Oh, that's easy. The 3DO Interactive Multiplayer has 16-bit CD-quality stereo sound, and some titles even use Dolby Surround...

FX: Electric shock.

Subject

AAARRGHGGHRHH!!

Trainer

Wrong. Nintendo has the best sound.

Subject

(in pain) Uh, yeah...

Trainer

Now, which home gaming system has the best graphics?

Subject

Well, the 3DO has ultra-sharp 24-bit color graphics and animates up to 64 million pixels per second...

FX: Stronger electric shock.

Subject

NNNNGGHGHRGRHHH!!

Trainer

Nintendo has the best graphics.

Subject

(in pain) Yeah, best graphics...

Trainer

Now then, which system has the best games?

Subject

Oh, 3DO by far! There's the pounding action of Road Rash, the stunning camera work in FIFA Soccer, the rich storyline of Shockwave, the refreshing uniqueness of Twisted...

FX: Extraordinarily vicious electric shock.

Subject

YYRRKKNNNTT!!!

Trainer

(with deliberation) Nintendo has the best games.

Subject

(extreme pain) Yeah, anything you say.

Trainer

(aside) What do you think?

Training Supervisor

Give him another couple hours.

AMBIENT FX: Silence

Voice Over

You don't need electroshock therapy to know that the 3DO Interactive Multiplayer is a tough act to beat. With the power of compact discs, 3DO offers sound, graphics, and gameplay with a richness that will astound you.

AMBIENT FX: Urban city street.

Interviewer

We're selected this man on the street at random to tell us which gaming system he believes is best.

Subject

(droning) Nintendo is God, Nintendo is God, Nintendo is God...

Director

(annoyed) CUT!

AMBIENT FX: Silence.

Voice Over

3DO. The most advanced interactive home entertainment system in the known universe.

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Copyright © 1996 Leo L. Schwab. All Rights Reserved.